Curses!

Hi, my name is Kristine and I’m a curser.

Ever since I hit the age of majority, I’ve been a curser.  Profane language has been a joy for me to use, in  my thoughts or from my mouth.  Oh, I could throw around F-bombs with the best of them.  I took pleasure in cursing and I was always happy to find new curse words with which to pepper my language; new permutations and combinations of old words were also welcome.  Most of my cursing took place in my head since I spent a large portion of my time in a corporate setting or around people who don’t curse .  But it took place nonetheless.

Then my life and my relationship with God started changing and He started cleaning me up.  Part of the cleanup has included my language.  In late 2015, I started feeling uncomfortable even thinking profane language.  It would still pop into my mind and roll off my tongue easily but I no longer felt comfortable with the habit.

I tried to stop but every time I went out, I would return home defeated by taxi men and other idiots.  Every time someone annoyed me or made me angry, the curse words would come to my mind lightening fast, even if I didn’t say them.  I quickly came to realise that I couldn’t tackle this one on my own.

I did what I was learning to do.  I prayed about it.  I told God that I knew He was convicting me to clean up my language but that I clearly couldn’t do it by myself so I was depending on Him to help me somehow.  I would pray on it occasionally but generally speaking, I put it from my mind (cast my care!), as I do most of the issues like this that I bring to Him.

Coming close to the end of my time in Aceh, I realised that I hadn’t spoken a curse word since just before I left Jamaica, and I hadn’t texted one either.  I fell off the wagon with the Imigrasi debacle and the stone throwing indicent – I admit that I not only mentally dropped some words on them, I muttered and mumbled a few too.  I’ve also done it a couple of times since coming to Jakarta.  However, as Joyce Meyer says, I’m not where I need to be but thank God I’m not where I used to be.

I think this change in my language is attributable to 4 things.

First, being in Indonesia means that I’ve moved to a new living and working situation; we are all on our best behaviour when we first meet new people and go into new situations.  Second, I’ve moved to a country that is ultra-conservative by western standards, where I feel very uncomfortable using profane language even though my western colleagues freely drop the occasional curse word in conversation. Third, my life experiences over the past 2 years have taught me that God helps us change things in ourselves when we fervently ask Him for His help; check out James 5:16b (please don’t mistakenly think that I’ve just said God gives us what we want if we really, really want it; that’s not what I said).  And fourth, having had such a profound mountain top experience a few months ago, seeing all that God did on that journey and how much power was in my mouth, it seems sacrilegious to taint my thoughts or speech with cursing.

Before coming to Indonesia, I expected the first 2 factors to help me curtail my vocal, if not my mental, cursing.  I expected the third factor (why ask if I don’t believe God is going to move?) but not so fast.  The last factor, I didn’t expect at all.

Some may say that cursing is no big deal; I sure didn’t think it was.  Some may get pleasure from it; I sure did.  I certainly don’t judge people who use that type of language because who am I to judge anyone about anything?  But now I’ve changed because my standards have changed and my awareness has changed and I don’t want that type of lazy verbal habit for myself anymore.  Now I know firsthand the power that’s in my mouth and I feel that I must wield that power responsibly.

Hi, my name is Kristine and I speak life and blessings.